I talked on the phone with my dad last night (who lives out of state) for just a few minutes, seriously like 2.5 minutes. It looks like our relationship has a subtle hint of "damaged" at this point.
My dad's a good guy, a convert to the church like myself. He's not a real stickler for some of the rules, like R-rated movies or goofing off on Sundays when the need arises. So, I figured he would understand my decision to leave the church. Of course, I was as gentle and as tactful as I could be about the situation, letting him know that my studies of church history took me in a direction I had never intended, etcetera. Instead, he set out to debate with me, telling me he wanted to know all my concerns, so that he could prove them wrong, etcetera.
I'm not a debater. I'd love to be one, but the fact that I suck at it presents a problem. He kept egging me on until I finally threw a few of them out there. I don't recall the first few of them, but he had a come back for them, one of which went something like "Don't you know that an angel appeared to JS and told him...?!?!" I had to physically snap my mouth shut to keep from saying, "Do you HEAR YOURSELF? Do understand how moronic that sounds?" I kept it to myself, though.
When I finally brought up about the facsimiles and the Book of Abraham (in an effort to get him off my back and shut him up - not a problem I've ever had with him before), he had nothing to say. Just dead silence on the other end of the line. After a few long seconds he told me to "prove to me that JS was not a prophet" to which I responded, "I believe I just did."
Unfortunately, I couldn't leave it at that, and here is where my emotions got the best of me. I added, "And don't you ever f***ing speak to me like that again!" and I hung up (and threw the phone). Yep, I blew it. I'm no football fan, but I can draw the parallel of me being the dude with the ball, on my way to make a...whatever (is it a touchdown that you make when you're running with the ball?) when I, for no good reason at all, turn around and go in the opposite direction. That's kind of what I did.
So a few weeks and a couple of short, somewhat superficial emails (that did contain apologies on both our parts) later, my dad and I are kind of like strangers. I don't feel comfortable talking to him like I used to and it feels like he's either not interested in talking to me now and/or he's uncomfortable, too.
This knowledge I now have of the church has complicated my life in more ways than I imagined. While there are certain aspects of my life that have changed for the better, there are many more that are definitely not better. Some days (like today) I'm just a zombie, going through the motions, trying to care about my job, my school assignments, and final exams coming up but not doing a good job of it.
Anyways, it's strange and right now I really don't like it.
When you said that to your dad and hung up, was it like you were watching yourself from afar and thinking what am I doing? I do crap like that and think oh I just messed THAT right up. I don't know why I do it. In your case it sounds like you ahd so much pent up emotion and anger it came out when you hadn't intended it to. At least it let your dad know how strongly you feel (bright side!)
ReplyDeleteBecca - Yep. That anger bubble up from absolutely nowhere. I managed to be so calm and collected throughout the entire conversation until he said the final "wrong" thing and then I absolutely had it. The funny thing, though, is that I found out in a later email that he hung up on me at the same time I hung up on him! Kind of made me laugh, actually. I guess the nut does not fall too far from the tree. ;)
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