This wonderful pupper-dog was abandoned in a home near Twin Falls (5 minutes south). He was left originally without food or water for a full week, locked in a dog run, sitting in his own filth. The neighbor, a friend of mine, has attempted to take care of him but because she already has 2 large dogs, she can't adopt him.
Is there ANYONE out there in the area that is willing to spring this guy and give him a decent home? He looks to be a black lab and is well behaved from what we know.
Because this stupid blog setup is stupid and annoying, I can't post a picture of him here. A picture will be on the sidebar. Email me at kelliandgirls@gmail.com if you can help in any way. PLEASE.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
I almost posted this on my "other" blog...
I wonder how well the dwindling audience of my "other" blog (originally intended for my LDS family members and friends) would have taken this entry: "I've forgotten how much I absolutely love Bailey's Irish Creme!!!" It probably would have driven the remaining 2 people who visit it away. :) I shouldn't care and, honestly, I'm getting really close to that point. In fact, on FB I no longer block TBMs from reading my wall posts...and I've been posting more enlightening information about the church lately. It's a pretty liberating feeling actually.
Anyways, I found these cute little Bailey's minis last night in the grocery store after I learned something new (and a little embarrassing) last night. My oldest and I went to pick up pizza to take home to everyone else and they had a fridge full of beer sitting there taunting me. I figured since I've royally screwed up my diet the last few days I might as well get some beer, too. When the lady asked me if I wanted it in a chilled glass, I told her I was going to take it home and drink it. That didn't go over well with the cashier, unfortunately. She said that the beer had to be consumed there and that it couldn't be taken home. How strange? To me, forcing your customer to sit there and drink a beer while waiting for their takeout pizza and then expecting them to drive home in a decent condition seems unreasonable. That's just me, though, and I guess I'm a lot more naive than I thought I was. After one beer, I wouldn't even think of driving because I can't even really walk a straight line. I know not everyone is like that, though, and I guess people would be tempted to open up the beer in the car and start drinking it then...so, I do see some validity to their reasoning.
Bailey's is every bit as wonderful as I remember it from my pre-mormon days. When I was a teen, my mom used to keep a big jug of it on hand and never bothered to check the levels on it. Ahh, good (fuzzy) memories. ;)
Anyways, I found these cute little Bailey's minis last night in the grocery store after I learned something new (and a little embarrassing) last night. My oldest and I went to pick up pizza to take home to everyone else and they had a fridge full of beer sitting there taunting me. I figured since I've royally screwed up my diet the last few days I might as well get some beer, too. When the lady asked me if I wanted it in a chilled glass, I told her I was going to take it home and drink it. That didn't go over well with the cashier, unfortunately. She said that the beer had to be consumed there and that it couldn't be taken home. How strange? To me, forcing your customer to sit there and drink a beer while waiting for their takeout pizza and then expecting them to drive home in a decent condition seems unreasonable. That's just me, though, and I guess I'm a lot more naive than I thought I was. After one beer, I wouldn't even think of driving because I can't even really walk a straight line. I know not everyone is like that, though, and I guess people would be tempted to open up the beer in the car and start drinking it then...so, I do see some validity to their reasoning.
Bailey's is every bit as wonderful as I remember it from my pre-mormon days. When I was a teen, my mom used to keep a big jug of it on hand and never bothered to check the levels on it. Ahh, good (fuzzy) memories. ;)
Monday, April 18, 2011
Something I posted on my other blog last night...
I've been pissed off, of course. So, I decided to write about it in my other blog last night and I tried to put it in terms that maybe a TBM might comprehend. I'm sure it's futile, really. Anyways, here's what I wrote:
You know what's funny? Well, it's not really funny. It's actually far from it...Anyways, you know how we have always been told that those who leave the church are unhappy? It's actually kind of true, though not for the reasons one might think.
Leaving the church is kind of like going through a divorce. My experience with divorce was painful, of course. I fell in love, committed myself, sacrificed, compromised, and worked hard at being the best person I could be for the benefit of the group (that being myself, my husband at the time, and my children). I wasn't perfect, of course, and made plenty of mistakes, but none of those mistakes were serious ones that I'm aware of. In the end, I was disrespected, lied to, and ultimately deserted. The past 10 years since the divorce have been a roller coaster of emotions. I would go a period of time without any hassles or run-ins with the ex-husband and I would treasure those peaceful times. Then, just when I would start thinking that I was beginning to heal and that peace was here to stay, something would come up and remind me of the betrayal, etc. and I would find myself right back at square one as far as anger, rage, and healing were concerned. I haven't had many of those ups and downs in the last several years and for that I'm truly thankful.
My leaving the church has been strikingly similar to my divorce. I fell in love with the tenets of the church, committed myself to them, sacrificed time, energy, income, and former beliefs, compromised, and worked hard at being the best person I could be for the eternal benefit of my family (that being myself and my children). I wasn't perfect, of course, and made plenty of mistakes, but none of those mistakes were anything that would have jeopardized my eternal salvation. Yet, in the end I discovered that I was disrespected, lied to time and time again (and then went on to perpetuate those lies on my mission and later to my children). Ultimately, I did the deserting this time and the maddening part about it was that that was the ONLY recourse I had. All I could do was leave and promise myself that I would do everything in my power never to allow myself or my children to be duped again to the extent that we were. That's no real recourse. All that is is damage control. Even though I did the leaving this time, it is exactly like...no, it is FAR WORSE than my divorce ever was because I have zero power to make those that deceived and used me pay for what they did.
Now that's one hell of a recipe for anger, don't you think? I'm nothing BUT angry these days.
So, yeah. Ex-Mormons can accurately be described as an angry group of people. Though, from what I've been told, the anger passes and the hurt wanes just like with a divorce. I'm only 7 months out and I would imagine I've still got years ahead of me before I can feel the peace that I've only had a few brief glimpses of here and there. I miss that peace and I want it back. It was a unique kind of peace that's really hard to describe, something that I've never experienced before in my life. If I were to describe it, I guess I would start by saying what it isn't. It isn't like the feeling that there's someone out there, who is all powerful and all knowing, who loves you and will hold your hand through trials. It isn't like that reassuring thought you get that no matter what happens, you'll be taken care of. In fact, its the exact opposite. Its a feeling that you KNOW that you know nothing, nothing at all. That there are no guarantees whatsoever. That things are NOT spelled out for you and the rules of how to live and how to "be" aren't clear, if there even are any at all. How is that peaceful? Well, for me, it translates to a peaceful thing in this way: My life is so much more special, unique, and important now than it ever was before because it may very well be all I have. I've lived so much of my life relying on the "eternities" being better, more rewarding, and my final payoff for all of the suffering here on earth. What I understand now is that every single day I have here is an opportunity to leave my mark on my little corner of the world. Every day I'm alive is a day that I can use to bring happiness to myself, to the ones I love, and to strangers--not because a book tells me I should, or because someone commanded me to do it, or because I want to please the man upstairs, or because if I don't do it then that makes me bad person or a less than worthy individual. It's an empowering and peace promoting thing to realize that my life and how I use it has the power to make an impact on other people's lives even in the tiniest way.
Anyways, I still don't think I did that that peaceful feeling the justice it deserves with my description. Writing about it, though, helped me get back in touch with the feeling again a bit. :)
You know what's funny? Well, it's not really funny. It's actually far from it...Anyways, you know how we have always been told that those who leave the church are unhappy? It's actually kind of true, though not for the reasons one might think.
Leaving the church is kind of like going through a divorce. My experience with divorce was painful, of course. I fell in love, committed myself, sacrificed, compromised, and worked hard at being the best person I could be for the benefit of the group (that being myself, my husband at the time, and my children). I wasn't perfect, of course, and made plenty of mistakes, but none of those mistakes were serious ones that I'm aware of. In the end, I was disrespected, lied to, and ultimately deserted. The past 10 years since the divorce have been a roller coaster of emotions. I would go a period of time without any hassles or run-ins with the ex-husband and I would treasure those peaceful times. Then, just when I would start thinking that I was beginning to heal and that peace was here to stay, something would come up and remind me of the betrayal, etc. and I would find myself right back at square one as far as anger, rage, and healing were concerned. I haven't had many of those ups and downs in the last several years and for that I'm truly thankful.
My leaving the church has been strikingly similar to my divorce. I fell in love with the tenets of the church, committed myself to them, sacrificed time, energy, income, and former beliefs, compromised, and worked hard at being the best person I could be for the eternal benefit of my family (that being myself and my children). I wasn't perfect, of course, and made plenty of mistakes, but none of those mistakes were anything that would have jeopardized my eternal salvation. Yet, in the end I discovered that I was disrespected, lied to time and time again (and then went on to perpetuate those lies on my mission and later to my children). Ultimately, I did the deserting this time and the maddening part about it was that that was the ONLY recourse I had. All I could do was leave and promise myself that I would do everything in my power never to allow myself or my children to be duped again to the extent that we were. That's no real recourse. All that is is damage control. Even though I did the leaving this time, it is exactly like...no, it is FAR WORSE than my divorce ever was because I have zero power to make those that deceived and used me pay for what they did.
Now that's one hell of a recipe for anger, don't you think? I'm nothing BUT angry these days.
So, yeah. Ex-Mormons can accurately be described as an angry group of people. Though, from what I've been told, the anger passes and the hurt wanes just like with a divorce. I'm only 7 months out and I would imagine I've still got years ahead of me before I can feel the peace that I've only had a few brief glimpses of here and there. I miss that peace and I want it back. It was a unique kind of peace that's really hard to describe, something that I've never experienced before in my life. If I were to describe it, I guess I would start by saying what it isn't. It isn't like the feeling that there's someone out there, who is all powerful and all knowing, who loves you and will hold your hand through trials. It isn't like that reassuring thought you get that no matter what happens, you'll be taken care of. In fact, its the exact opposite. Its a feeling that you KNOW that you know nothing, nothing at all. That there are no guarantees whatsoever. That things are NOT spelled out for you and the rules of how to live and how to "be" aren't clear, if there even are any at all. How is that peaceful? Well, for me, it translates to a peaceful thing in this way: My life is so much more special, unique, and important now than it ever was before because it may very well be all I have. I've lived so much of my life relying on the "eternities" being better, more rewarding, and my final payoff for all of the suffering here on earth. What I understand now is that every single day I have here is an opportunity to leave my mark on my little corner of the world. Every day I'm alive is a day that I can use to bring happiness to myself, to the ones I love, and to strangers--not because a book tells me I should, or because someone commanded me to do it, or because I want to please the man upstairs, or because if I don't do it then that makes me bad person or a less than worthy individual. It's an empowering and peace promoting thing to realize that my life and how I use it has the power to make an impact on other people's lives even in the tiniest way.
Anyways, I still don't think I did that that peaceful feeling the justice it deserves with my description. Writing about it, though, helped me get back in touch with the feeling again a bit. :)
Thursday, April 7, 2011
I keep trying to end this...
So, I keep trying to end this blog, but I keep coming back. Just when I thought things were "normal" again, general conference came around and fucked it up for me. I guess I really have some serious issues. I hate the church. I despise it. I hate that it's got most of my family and friends by the nuts and won't let them go and what's worse is they all think I'M the person that's gone off the deep end.
...so fucking mad...
...so fucking mad...
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Um. Yeah.
No title again. Sorry.
So, I'm not necessarily saying I'm retiring this blog because who knows when that urge to grab my chainsaw and shred some TBMs might pop up, but I'm going to "refer" you to my "other" blog. My "other" blog has been neglected for months and months because that was the blog I used to keep in touch with my family and friends (all TBMs, mind you). Naturally, I had little to no desire to update them on the details of my life because most of the time I simply wanted to poke their eyeballs out because of the part they played in my indoctrination within the church. Now that the anger, resentment, and fits of hysteria have more or less died down, I kind of figured it's time to move on and make an attempt at normalcy (or my version of it, anyway) and get back to keeping in touch with my family and friends via that blog.
Here's the link: http://kellisdetourahead.blogspot.com/
I've made a few entries in the last couple of days, one of which explained to everyone the fact that I resigned from the church (see the entry entitled "Time to come clean, I guess"). I just needed to get it out there and deal with the consequences. My parents haven't read it yet. I know that because I haven't received a phone call. I will, though. I've got one of those feelings.
Anyways, read the other blog at your own risk. I can only promise extreme boredom, but I'd love for you to stick with me for the support. :)
P.S.
If you're an axe murder or serial rapist (or something along those lines) and you choose to hassle me via my blog, I'll hunt you down and you'll find yourself begging for death when I find you...just so you know. :)
So, I'm not necessarily saying I'm retiring this blog because who knows when that urge to grab my chainsaw and shred some TBMs might pop up, but I'm going to "refer" you to my "other" blog. My "other" blog has been neglected for months and months because that was the blog I used to keep in touch with my family and friends (all TBMs, mind you). Naturally, I had little to no desire to update them on the details of my life because most of the time I simply wanted to poke their eyeballs out because of the part they played in my indoctrination within the church. Now that the anger, resentment, and fits of hysteria have more or less died down, I kind of figured it's time to move on and make an attempt at normalcy (or my version of it, anyway) and get back to keeping in touch with my family and friends via that blog.
Here's the link: http://kellisdetourahead.blogspot.com/
I've made a few entries in the last couple of days, one of which explained to everyone the fact that I resigned from the church (see the entry entitled "Time to come clean, I guess"). I just needed to get it out there and deal with the consequences. My parents haven't read it yet. I know that because I haven't received a phone call. I will, though. I've got one of those feelings.
Anyways, read the other blog at your own risk. I can only promise extreme boredom, but I'd love for you to stick with me for the support. :)
P.S.
If you're an axe murder or serial rapist (or something along those lines) and you choose to hassle me via my blog, I'll hunt you down and you'll find yourself begging for death when I find you...just so you know. :)
Monday, March 28, 2011
The Anger is Gone
My anger's just gone. It has been for a while. Sure, I run into a comment or a memory or whatever every now and then that brings back the pain and anger and feelings of betrayal, but I've gotten to the point where my past is my past and I don't want it to ruin my present anymore. It's neat to be at the point where I can say that and really mean it.
My new philosphy, something that I've been working on actively, is simply to "live and let live." That's, of course, not to say that my new motto is "roll over and play dead," though. I get plenty of practice walking that delicate line with my oldest daughter, who is still very much in love with the church. ;)
My new philosphy, something that I've been working on actively, is simply to "live and let live." That's, of course, not to say that my new motto is "roll over and play dead," though. I get plenty of practice walking that delicate line with my oldest daughter, who is still very much in love with the church. ;)
Friday, March 4, 2011
???
Couldn't think of a title...
You know what? I'm getting DAMN TIRED of waiting to get into the RN program. It took me 2 years to finish up my pre-reqs and co-reqs for the program. I put in my application a year ago. Now, it looks my turn to get in won't roll around until the spring of next year. The wait list when I turned in my application was 18 months, but due to some position cuts, they aren't admitting as many applicants in the fall as they had planned on. Thus, I continue to wait patiently and age. In the meantime, I need to continue taking a minute of 6 credits so that I can defer financial aid repayment...and I've all but run out of interesting/applicable courses to take.
Woe is me. I know. Life could be a lot worse. Hell, it's BEEN a lot worse. ;)
You know what? I'm getting DAMN TIRED of waiting to get into the RN program. It took me 2 years to finish up my pre-reqs and co-reqs for the program. I put in my application a year ago. Now, it looks my turn to get in won't roll around until the spring of next year. The wait list when I turned in my application was 18 months, but due to some position cuts, they aren't admitting as many applicants in the fall as they had planned on. Thus, I continue to wait patiently and age. In the meantime, I need to continue taking a minute of 6 credits so that I can defer financial aid repayment...and I've all but run out of interesting/applicable courses to take.
Woe is me. I know. Life could be a lot worse. Hell, it's BEEN a lot worse. ;)
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