My oldest had New Beginnings tonight. I went because...well, what mother wouldn't, right? Naturally, I felt really uncomfortable, but I think I did a decent job at covering that up. I saw the bishop, shook his hand but didn't chat with him like I normally would have. I think that is the second biggest thing that bugged me most. I felt like we had a nice friendship prior to sending in my resignation letter last week (of which I send a copy directly to him with a handwritten letter explaining to him how much I've appreciated his friendship and service, etcetera). Unfortunately, tonight he was a little distant. I looked directly in his eyes when I shook his hand, looking for some sort of an acknowledgement of my letter, maybe a look of understanding and respect, but it just wasn't there. As I typed that last sentence just now, I realized how ridiculous it sounds for me to expect understanding or respect from a bishop for leaving the church, but he really is that kind of person. Anyways, like I said, it didn't happen.
The thing that bugged me the most, though, was the fact that the first counselor talked to the YW about the importance of faith. He talked about how one must have faith to have a testimony of the gospel, etcetera, etcetera. He even brought up knowledge as important but something that is not as necessary as faith when it comes to testimonies. And he teared up as he said this. All I could think about was the fact that he was misleading so many impressionable young people in this room and undermining my authority as far as my daughter is concerned.
For so many years, I've believed whole heartedly that faith was the most important thing in a person's life. When something didn't make sense, I just needed to have faith that things would work out the way Heavenly Father had planned for me. If aspects of the gospel werent entirely clear to me, I just needed to exercise faith and trust that it would be explained to me in the hereafter. It's so wrong. It is SO sad. And, really, when it all comes down to it, I don't care so much about the other girls in the room being misled by this man, I care that my daughter is swallowing this man's lies.
Most of the time I was there I was trying to remind myself that my daughter, who is 15, is going to choose what she wants to choose as far as lifestyle and religion goes. And she's going to do it regardless of what I prefer her to do...she's already proved that by choosing to stay with the church. If I take this away from her now, it will just make her want it more.
Anyways, I went. I conquered. I came home and ate a Big Mac. So very glad that thing's over.
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