The Anger is Gone

My anger's just gone.  It has been for a while.  Sure, I run into a comment or a memory or whatever every now and then that brings back the pain and anger and feelings of betrayal, but I've gotten to the point where my past is my past and I don't want it to ruin my present anymore.  It's neat to be at the point where I can say that and really mean it.

My new philosphy, something that I've been working on actively, is simply to "live and let live."  That's, of course, not to say that my new motto is "roll over and play dead," though.  I get plenty of practice walking that delicate line with my oldest daughter, who is still very much in love with the church.  ;)

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Couldn't think of a title...

You know what?  I'm getting DAMN TIRED of waiting to get into the RN program.  It took me 2 years to finish up my pre-reqs and co-reqs for the program.  I put in my application a year ago.  Now, it looks my turn to get in won't roll around until the spring of next year.  The wait list when I turned in my application was 18 months, but due to some position cuts, they aren't  admitting as many applicants in the fall as they had planned on.  Thus, I continue to wait patiently and age.  In the meantime, I need to continue taking a minute of 6 credits so that I can defer financial aid repayment...and I've all but run out of interesting/applicable courses to take.

Woe is me.  I know.  Life could be a lot worse.  Hell, it's BEEN a lot worse. ;)

Short writing assignment...good for a chuckle.

Alright, from my writing class we had a tiny little assignment of roughly 4 sentences (mine went over a tad).  We were supposed to show what's called a character triangle--how the character sees herself, how she wants to be seen, and how she is seen by others in reality.  Enjoy (or don't, just don't tell me if you hated it...I can appreciate a little dishonesty now and then).

Progress is in the Eye of the Beholder

          Dotty took a minute for herself and stood in front of the bathroom mirror, eying her body proudly as her kids played in their room down the hall. After two hard months of dieting and working out at the gym, she was actually beginning to see some changes in her figure.

          She heard one of her little ones running down the hallway and into her room.

          “Mommy, don't worry. I'll love you no matter how fat you are.”

Quoting myself...

You know, the more I read my FB post from yesterday, the more I want to tattoo it on me somewhere...haven't figured out where yet, though.  Why don't you read through it and see if you like it.

"Dear Stake Prez - Fuck off. And while you're fucking off, please feel free to choke on your own tongue and die a slow, painful death. If I may, I'd like to facilitate it for you. However, if that's not possible perhaps I can request an act of "god" for you like a lightning bolt with your name on it. Oh yeah, one last sentiment for you: Curse god and die. Find that fucking scripture asshole."

Nighty night, sweet dreams. :)

You know what?

Fuck it all.

You know what else?  I'm sick and tired of being overworked and unappreciated. I'm tired of having zero time to relax.  I'm tired of struggling to make ends meet and trying to have a decent attitude in spite of it.  I'm REALLY sick of my dad giving me his version of the cold shoulder.

I'm not feeling like life is a "gift" these days.  If I didn't have children whom I'd mess up thoroughly by doing it, I would have checked out long ago.

Once again, Fuck it all.

Yeah, false alarm. It's not over.

You know how I was feeling all peace-y and content and thought my blogging for therapy days were over?  I changed my mind. You know, I have another blog and it's pretty dull and lifeless.  I just can't express myself the way I want to and talk about the things I want to talk about because I know the people reading it, my LDS family and friends, won't be able to identify with most of it.  Thus, I'm back.

Now, here's the thing, though.  I'm kind of evolving, so I guess some of the content here is going to be different from time to time.  Basically, what you're going to be looking at here are the rantings of a ex-mormon single mom with A.D.D. (yeah, I wish I were kidding).

Um.  Yeah.  So, I guess that's enough for tonight.  I hope you all still visit.  If anything, you can walk away from the experience and say it was better than watching a lame episode of Jersey Shore, right?

Hmmm...could we be reaching the end?

I think I'm coming to the end of my need for blogging "therapy."  It's strange.  I didn't expect it to happen so soon.  I guess I'm getting to the point where the anger (for the most part) has died down and my need to cry and talk things out is waning.  It makes me kind of sad, though I'm happy to have reached this point.  I remember reading the mission statement of Postmormon.org where it talks about being a safe haven for those in varying stages of recovery from mormonism and that it is just a stop along the way, a place to warm your feet by the fire and make some friends, and then eventually move on.  I remember not being able to wrap my mind around the concept of it being just a stop along the way, but now I get it.  It's a progression or an evolution for each person...and I guess that's how I feel about my blogging "therapy."

Hmm...it's neat to see my personal progression and it gives me a sense of peace to know that I actually AM moving forward and acclimating myself to life postmo.  Wow.  Freaky.