First of all, on a positive note: Thank you for your comments and for visiting my blog. I'm feeling the love and it is much needed right now. ;)
Now, onto the poopy stuff: In a nutshell, a member of the bishopric is coming over tomorrow night. Why? He didn't say, but it does not take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. He originally wanted to meet today before church, but I work a split shift from home on Sundays, so I was able to avoid that.
Basically, I haven't been to church in 5 weeks or so and I asked to be released from my primary calling a few weeks ago. This, of course, all happened after I discovered aspects of church history and church doctrine that rubbed me wrong a little over a month ago.
I'm sweating it big time. I've gotten some wonderful advice so far and I plan on being prepared with my personal list of concerns. I know they can't be resolved to my satisfaction, so I won't bother being terribly specific during the meeting tomorrow evening. If push comes to shove, though, I'll bring up the Book of Abraham thing and leave it at that. There's NOTHING redeeming that can be said about that issue and it's certainly not a matter of personal interpretation. I could pray till the cows come home about that issue and not a single warm fuzzy would come of it.
Here's the thing with this meeting, it is the first outward/public display of my disaffection with the church. Yes, I have shared this with my family and several very close friends, but this, THIS, is big for me. I mean, there'll be no running away from my decision to leave the church once the bishopric knows (though I wouldn't change my mind about that decision regardless of the circumstances).
I love and respect my bishopric. They're dedicated men, who sacrifice more than they should for their callings and I truly feel their love for me. I hate that I'm going to be contributing to the load they are already carrying. It makes me SO MAD that I can't deal directly with the people that I truly have the problems with. Alas, most of them are dead...and the ones that aren't are too adept at ignoring the truth anyways. Stupid jerks.
I didn't mention this over 'there' ...
ReplyDeleteIt boils down to this important fact: TSCC will leave you alone in your apostasy if they don't think you're a threat to them. Frankly, it's a lot easier for them if you have a list of issues and appear all ready to poke holes in the restored gospel and also ready to take others down with you. That they can handle.
Personally I don't mind TSCC at all. I never had a bad experience as a TBM, other than being stampeded into a too early marriage, and it was just bad luck that we ended up not suitable partners. So when I get visited periodically, I simply praise TSCC as a fine institution and lament that despite Primary, Mutual, Seminary, Mission, BYU & Temple Marriage, there came a time when I suddenly realized I'd lost my testimony. I don't point out any flaws in the restored Gospel, I don't point a finger at JS and his history, I make no waves at all! I simply say my testimony went away and I don't think it's ever coming back. I tell them to put me down as hard core inactive.
Naturally I get asked to explain the process that was involved, with the unspoken question being, which was it sex, alcohol or drugs? I tell them it was the result of becoming too familiar with science and then I offer the observation, "How come God never told us about his most magnificent, outrageous, spectacular and outstanding creations, the Black Holes that are at the center of every galaxy?"
Of course they can't explain why God didn't tell us about Black Holes! The question throws them for such a loop! Then I ask my next question, with a smile on my face, letting them know I know there is no answer, "Can God make a Black Hole so big that even He couldn't escape it?" Of course they smile back at me and we move gracefully into some small talk during which I look rueful and then they ask if they can offer a prayer and I say sure, then they pray, ernestly shake my hand and leave, satisfied that what they feared the most, that I would try to spread my apostasy, is a non-factor. Which from the visitors' perspective is very important, because he needs to turn in a report about the meeting.
Which is the crucial event that the heirarchy cares about, the process: We spotted a problem, we reconnoitered and now we have a report, there is no danger from this newly inactive member. So send a memo to the RS presidency to put plan 2(a)(3) into action. Next case...
I just don't see the need to try to convince them that they're wrong and I'm right. Which you can see isn't the usual flow of things over 'there'.